It's Sunday morning and I'm standing in a long line of chicks in front of Harpo Studios. There are some guys around, but the dude-to-chick ratio is definitely low. Normally, this would be ok... if we were at a club. But with everyone dressed up the way they are, it feels more like we're going to church... the Church of Oprah. Which may not be such a bad thing, since it's gonna take some divine intervention for me to get in. 
Thanks to Cindy, the Ladies are all on the standby list [another FoC--or Friend of Cindy--benefit]. But unfortunately, her kung-fu powers aren't enough to get me on that list, so I stand behind them hoping I can "me too" my way in. As the heavy-set security lady is checking off their names, she comes up to me and says flatly, "You're not on the list." Then scribbles something on her notes, and walks away. Damn. I'm screwed. No new car for me. Oh well. It was worth a try. At least it's not a total loss, since I get to befriend others who also weren't on the list... including a nice elderly lady from Louisiana and a cute old couple from South Carolina who've been waiting in line since 5:30am. Nice people, indeed. Let's just say before this day is out, I end up hugging and joining hands and praisin' the lord with all of them. Don't ask me why. Must be the Oprah effect.
The Ladies are far ahead of me now, and as the line starts to dwindle, so do my hopes of getting in. Then, suddenly, one of Oprah's assistants approaches me and says, "You must be the 'Dude'" Umm, yeah? "We'll try to get you in." No way. Apparently, the security lady had written "+Dude" on her list next to the Ladies' names. I'm so in! It's a miracle! The big O must be looking down upon me. In fact, all my elderly friends in the back of the line get in too. [insert hugging and lord praising here].
Security is tight as hell at the gate--much worse than at any airport--and I'm like the absolute last person to get into the studio. There's a strange feeling in the air... like some sorta estrogen-induced Oprah high. Everyone in the audience is giddy, especially Consuela whose visit here today is pretty much on the top of her bucket list. It's not long before Oprah makes her appearance and glides onto the stage like a winged angel flanked on both sides by her cherub-like assistants, who then kneel before her placing on her feet a new pair of Louboutins. I suddenly feel lifted on my feet, my hands in the air applauding and jumping up and down like a hysterical little girl. I might as well be shouting "Hallelujah! It's Oprah! Hallelujah!" Hey, at least I'm not crying like some of these girls here are.
She does command quite a stage presence though, and it's kinda neat to actually see her in person cuz she looks pretty much the same as she does on TV. So today's topic is "Make Over Your Man"... which I guess is sort of a dude-related subject. However, on stage is Oprah, Tim Gunn from Project Runway, and Carson Kressley from Queer Eye... and it cannot get any more gay and fabulous than this. I realize that just being here might constitute an act of gayness in itself, but hey, it's all good... it's Oprah... and there might be prizes to be had! But alas, there would be no new car for me. Instead of "You get a car! You get a car! You get a car!" it's more like "You get a book! You get a book! You get a book!" We all get a book about dating men. Awesome. Just what I need. Oh well... I guess I didn't have to make space in my garage afterall.
Anyway, donations to the Church of Oprah can be made across the street at the Oprah Store, where Oprah comes out a little richer and you a little poorer. The Ladies buy all kinds of paraphernalia, including Oprah clothes, Oprah housewares, Oprah knick knacks. Cindy even buys a dress that Oprah has actually worn [all proceeds go to charity, but still]. It's no wonder the Big O's a billionaire. Only Oprah could drag us out of bed so early on a Sunday morning. Only Oprah could bring so much kindness to people who've been waiting in line for hours. Only Oprah could get me to hug a random stranger. Only Oprah could get Cindy to drop two hundred and fitty big ones on a used dress. From this, I can only come to one simple conclusion... that Oprah Winfrey is pretty much Jesus in a dress.
Random Stuff:
- Susie asks, "Who's Nate Berkus?" I think she should've been at the back of the line instead of me.
- Kudos to Cin for getting us the "in" on Oprah. I dunno how she does it, but I guess they don't call her "Luscious" for nothing...hmmm.
- This episode airs May 5, 2010.
Chicago in a day... hanging out in Millenium Park, Cloud Gate, and Buckingham Fountain [the Married With Children Fountain]; shopping at Macy's and the Magnificent Mile; eating at the world's largest McD's, hot dogs at Portillo's, and Gino's East for deep dish pizza. Oh, and Oprah! Whew!
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Posing With the Bean
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