Orlando (Day 10): Magic Kingdom Math

"We all use math every day;
to predict weather, to tell time, to handle money.
Math is more than formulas or equations;
it's logic, it's rationality,
it's using your mind to solve the biggest mysteries we know." -- Numb3rs

I think I found it. I found the formula to unlock the secrets of the universe. Ok, maybe not... but we did come up with a simple mathematical equation to crack the code to Disney World happiness. We are, after all, Asian... and being a mathlete is in our blood. So here it is:

[Disney World] + [off season] - [kids] = The Happiest Place on Earth

And as with any good mathematical theorem, here's the proof:

• let any variable = the number of times we ride on any given ride
• let a=1, b=2, c=3
  
• [every ride in the park] x [a] = [happy]
  
• [Pirates of the Caribbean] x [b] = [happy]
  
• [Haunted Mansion] x [b] = [happy]
  
• [Peter Pan's Flight] x [c] = [happy]
  
• [Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin] x [c] = [happy]
  
• [Big Thunder Mountain Railroad] x [c] = [happy]
  
• [Pineapple Dole Whips] x [b] = [happy]
  
• [Fast passes] = moot
  
• if ∑ [happy] ≥ 5, then Happiest Place on Earth achieved

The Dole whips alone are enough to keep the wifey happy. But how else can you explain being able to ride Peter Pan's Flight, The Haunted Mansion, The Magic Carpets of Aladdin, Pirates of the Caribbean, Tomorrowland Speedway, Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, and "it's a small world" all before noon? Or how we get on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad three times in a row without having to wait in line? [(off season) - (kids)], that's how. Shoot, the pace is so leisurely that we even ride the Carousel of Progress just to kill some time.

Yeah, yeah, I know... Disney's all about the kids. It's about the excitement of bringing your kids here for the first time. It's about the magical looks on the kids' faces when they see Mickey. It's about... blah, blah, blah. That's all fine and dandy, but c'mon now. Have you ever seen the "magical" looks on the parents' faces? Half of them look like the Evil Queen if she had to babysit the Seven Dwarfs. The other half look kinda like the Beast about to rip Mrs. Pott's spout off. Now that would be pretty magical.

Anyhoo, the wifey's always been a Disney-phile, so in a sense, I am bringing a wide-eyed kid along. Even the pouring rain couldn't put a damper on her day. So who am I to deny the wifey when she wants to take a ride on Space Mountain? Great. Space Mountain. Flashback: 26 years ago... I'm 11 years old. Mom, Grandma ah-paw, cousins, and big-shot uncle are in line for Space Mountain at Disneyland. As we get closer, it gets darker and louder. We hear screams. Big-shot uncle bolts for the chicken exit. I freak. I bolt with him. 70-year old Grandma ah-paw rides Space Mountain. Back to present day: I'm eyeing that chicken exit again. No, this time, I'm conquering my childhood fears and facing this monster head on. If my Granny can do it, so can I, dammit! No fear! That doesn't mean I can't hysterically scream like a little girl throughout the whole ride. But, I emerge pretty much unscathed like a brave manly man. A plucky hero. [Sigh] The things I do for my wife. Somebody hold me.

So yeah, by 6pm, the Magic Kingdom is pretty much a ghost town... which means we don't have to mow over any kids to get a picture with Mickey and Minnie in Toontown. Or rather, we don't have to get mowed over by any kids to get a picture with Mickey and Minnie in Toontown. I can't deny that this place isn't truly magical. I mean where else does Snow White's Scary Adventure always have a happy ending? Where else can you look in wonder at a spectacular fireworks show with Cinderella's castle as a backdrop? Where else can the kid in you always come out to play? Friggin Disney World. Maybe I ought to modify our formula:

[Disney World] + [off season] + [the kid in you] = The Happiest Place on Earth

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Picture of the Day
Fireworks Over Cinderella's Castle