Vacaville (Day 2): Unstoppable Force Meets Immovable Object

I dunno if this really counts as Day 2 per se, but as sunrise approaches, I'm just considering it a new day. It's about 5am and we're all getting pretty woozy from the shopping frenzy... or maybe it's from the lack of sleep. Whatever it is, we're all heading back to the hotel for a quick nap before continuing with our little soiree.

Sandy and I are in a room with Tayler, while Cindy and Karen are sharing a room next door. Let me repeat: Cindy and Karen are sharing a room. For those of you who don't understand the magnitude of this statement, these two are the loudest snorers this side of Mt. Olympus. Plus, the fact that a grenade exploding under their pillows wouldn't do so much as cause a stir, makes them the heaviest sleepers I know. Ohh, I'd hate to be in that room with the two of them snoring away. It'll be like ground zero of a nuclear bomb blast. The epicenter of the Big One. The aftermath of a category-5 hurricane. It'll be a clash of the titans. Tyson versus Holyfield. Ali versus Fraser. King Kong versus Godzilla. Unstoppable force meets immovable object. I can see it now...

Ding! Ding! Ding! In this corner, coming in at an eardrum-shattering 350 decibels... the Masta of Disasta, the Queen of Snore, the Beast from the East(bay)... the unstoppable Karrrren "Sonic Boom" Chin! [crowd goes wild]

And in this corner, swooping down with an earth-pounding 345 decibels of hydraulic snorting power... the Hostess with the Mostess, the Cause of Deaf, the Snoring Bread Machine... the immovable Ciiindy "No Sleep For You" Leong!! [loud cheering]

Analysis: Karen's got a slight edge on loudness, where the windows will rattle and the walls will shake with her every breath. But Cindy's inconsistent raucous will keep even the deepest sleeper wide awake. They both have a potent offensive strike, but a strong defense will determine who will wake up first. This will be a defensive battle with the deepest sleeper emerging unscathed and snoring all the way home with the title. I dunno who's better (or worse). It's really a toss up.

So who won? Karen managed to sonic boom Cindy to semi-consciousness, but the Cause of Deaf quickly recovered and fell back asleep. Cindy shot back with her bread machine-like attack, causing the Beast from the East(bay) to stir, but not wake. Sounds like a draw. But I'd say the winner was... Me, wifey, and niece... for not having to endure a sleepless night. Winner!

Vacaville (Day 1): Black Friday!

Oh, but a mere three hours ago, I was in a warm, comfortable home surrounded by loving family enjoying a feast of a Thanksgiving dinner. Fast forward a couple of hours and I'm freezing my ass off surrounded by a horde of retail lunatics waiting in line to get into the Banana Republic store at the Vacaville outlets (whew, that's a mouthful). I should be getting ready for bed. Instead, I'm getting ready to bust through the doors to shopping nirvana. How did this happen? Why am I here? Two words: Black Friday. Two more words: Midnight Madness.

So I'm up here with the wifey, along with fellow shopping whores, Cindy and Karen. Also along for the drag is my teenage niece, Tayler. Yeah yeah, taking a minor way past her bedtime to an all-night shop fest... I know, we're such great role models. Whatever, there are people here pushing their infant strollers with shopping bags hanging off the sides. At least mine doesn't need diapers. Sheesh.

We actually didn't think there would be a lot of people here. Boy, were we wrong. The line to get into BR looks more like the line to get into the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland. The wait to get into the Coach store is like an hour. Recession? What recession?

Ok, 3am is rolling around and all the stores are still open. Surprisingly, we haven't done too much damage... only a couple of pairs of shoes and some outfits for the niece, who by the way, is about to pass out. Fine, I guess we'll have to carry her back to the hotel room. Yeah, we got a hotel room for this shindig. We're hardcore, baby! Shooot, there's no time to sleep... Wal-mart opens in an hour!